WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
