i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
