4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
