Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
