so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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