I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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