Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
