Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Me too!
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
