...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
