We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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