I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
