I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
