I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
