She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
