just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I am available for nakedness
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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