I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
