it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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