I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
