i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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