I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
