so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
