SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
