So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
