I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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