So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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