note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
