Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
