I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
