I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so let's talk penis.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
