I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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