Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
