She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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