I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
