I want to have your abortion
i just had sex bonerless
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
