his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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