I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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