Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
