He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
