Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
