I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
