He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
