Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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