Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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