I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
