dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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