i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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