Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
