A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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