I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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