JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
