she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
