dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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