the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
