garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
accomplished twins. life is a go
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
