my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Fuck appropriateness.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
