i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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