I could have mohawked her pubes.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
