Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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