Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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