I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
